Another reason not to drive.

I received a parking ticket. Two actually, in bleak December. Worse - I didn't pay them on time. One went to collections. A parking ticket is an annoyance. Collections is a different ball game - "No please, I surrender. "Take my money, just don't mark my credit!". Hear the cry.."I've had perfect credit for years - it's just a parking ticket!".

Of course it's my fault. I let it happen. I was negligent. I keep thinking people have been hanged for less. Good credit is a badge of honor. A mark on your credit report is like a transgression - a self-inflicted wound that takes years from which to recover.

I received these tickets on LI, the land of my rearing. I no longer live on Long Island. I live in the city, but but I'm back often. I drive, though not by choice. It's not like California or Florida, where having a car is a requirement, but it's strongly recommended. Of course everyone knows that, and everyone has a car, and everyone also agrees there are too many cars. But this is not about cars or driving. It's about parking. More specifically its about experiencing a trip to the abyss known as the Parking Violations Bureau.

In the burbs of LI, unlike the city, parking is not usually a concern. Oddly for me at least the last few years I've been frequenting an area with alternate side parking and related restrictions. Inevitably it has led to a few tickets; about 2 a year - a reasonable price to pay. I received one recently which I believed was wrongly issued. I decided to fight it. Yeah - say it - "fight, for my right, to park-ING!".

The occurrence of my tickets, or summonses was just over the line in Nassau County (close - you could cross the city line with a golf ball and a 9-iron). Officially it's a summons, as in "you are summoned to appear in court.." to apologize, and if sufficiently humbled, pay a reduced fine, or plead your case and explain why your violation is not a violation. Another way to put it, " You've been served!".

Sometimes I wonder what the rest of the country thinks about Nassau County, the central, mostly invisible, antiseptic, benign part of Longeyeland, if they even know the place. I figure its comparable to similar places that are places only because they are near other places; Orange County California, Broward County Florida, and maybe even Staten Island and Bergen County. Unflattering though true.

I entered my plea of not guilty by phone - a welcomed modern convenience. By snail mail I received a date to appear for a hearing. I have been to court before, for parking tickets, jury service and the like. This was a completely different experience. When it was over I had new insight and understanding in the process of government administration.

As directed I appeared at court on the given date early in December before 09:00am. As the ironic fine print on the summons advised I brought a pocket full of quarters for the metered parking in the garage across the street.

This wasn't like courts I'd been to in the past. Absent was its meaning as an edifice of justice. This court was a low-rise, utilitarian structure, partly prefab. It seems as if it were built for some other prosaic, temporary use, and having long ago repaid its value, has since been re-purposed. Its symbolism exchanged for a cost conscience bargain, dedicated to procedural transactions of remittance and collection.

It is in a commercial area on the bend of a short road that loops around the multi-level parking garage. It is either well hidden or difficult to find. Were you to walk from the nearest intersection you will pass an attorneys office, an insurance agency, a check cashing place, and two store-front churches of non-competing denominations. You might expect the bus station to be nearby. The county seat with its neo-classical architecture and kept lawns and oaks is about a half hour away.

Outside the doors of the court house signage abounds taped on the walls and doors. Court opens at 9:00 and again at 2:00. No one will be admitted between 11:30 and 2:00. Proper attire is required. Use of cel-phones is strictly prohibited; anyone observed "..speaking on a cel-phone will be told to leave for the day - NO EXCEPTIONS". (I observed some leniency to this rule.) There is more: court is open late one night a month. For red light camera violations you need not wait on the regular line; simply go to the red light violations line. It has its own cashiers window too. I've never received a summons for either of these. I don't know the cost of paying for this advantage, or if there is a volume discount, or if you are permitted to pay ahead of time.

On the day I am summoned I arrive early, though not early enough. There is a queue and it's long. Regulars know this court is first come, first served and begin lining up outside the door around 8:00. I get on line and wait. The line runs parallel to the wall of the building, stretching as far as the first church. Exposed to the elements I'm grateful its not raining or too cold.

Soon I'll be at the door and through the metal detector. A court officer, one of 2 gate keepers, will then direct me to another extended line around the corridor. This line will continue across the lobby area - it's not really a lobby - where it continues on the other side of the building bisecting another line. It snakes around in roped aisles until it ends at the door of the courtroom. As soon as you walk in you realize you will be spending a lot of time in lines and you will soon learn which you should be on and where they lead. If you don't, the court officer will gladly help you. The bisected line is the one you will likely wait on after you emerge from the court room. It's the cashiers line. Nearly everyone will pay something.

The court officer periodically moves down the line collecting drivers licenses and the related summonses or paperwork. He paper-clips these together. He will drop these in an in-basket on a desk in the far end of the courtroom. This area is segregated from the masses by a long white chipped formica counter. ,It separates the public from the filing, computing and record keeping of the court administrators on the other side. Or as they may say on the other side: It separates the judging from the judged.

It is the largest, though not the only the courtroom. Cases will be called here to plea, but if you get to see a judge it will be in another much smaller ante-room. The license and related paperwork will soon be picked up by one of a half dozen clerks. They will be sorted and arranged in a pile perhaps with the addition of a drivers record or abstract depending on the severity of the violation, or maybe the frequency of visits by the driver.

One discerning awareness that soon overtakes any who enter this system: you quickly begin to feel that at each step of the way you are being prepped for the next step - readied for whoever would be addressing you next. It's not an abattoir, but the process similar. The analogy I discerned seemed like being readied for burial; embalmed and wrapped like an Egyptian novelty. Unlike the Hollywood mummies, here the tape is bureaucratic red. you likely won't die, though you will still end the process immobilized and numb.

As I advance in the line I can see the court room is full. Later I'll see that it holds about 50 sitting and another 20 - 30 standing against the wall. They will not be shot; not here anyway. There are simply no seats left. The court officer (one keeps the line while the other mans the entry and metal detector) expertly keeps this room packed to keep the rest of the facility clear, or rather clearer. As cases in the courtroom are heard and cleared the court officer, officiating in this capacity as line monitor, ushers in the next group of violators, about ten at a time. Thus the courtroom remains full, the snaking line slowly reduced.

It's about 10:30. I'm waiting on line nearer to the courtroom. I've finished the paper, the crossword and the paper of the guy in front of me. I move on to my usual method of alleviating boredom; composing haikus.

In the jaws of justice
A prosecutor calls my name
Its my turn to plead

We chose to enter
Though too big to be devoured
We are merely bitten
(I might be able to work in "regurgitated" somehow.)

Eventually I am waived over to enter the courtroom. There I wait some more. Soon a prosecutor calls my name. It is my turn. A prosecutor for a parking ticket? I believe I'm appearing for one ticket but the prosecutor says I have two. He has pulled up a record of my vehicle from the license and vin number (I realize that is redundant) and brings to my attention another recent violation of which I'm unaware. He tells me this second violation was issued on this vehicle about a week after the first, also for alternate side no parking. I have no knowledge of this, but I'm married, so I shouldn't be surprised. He scribbles a short list of numbers on the back of one of the papers he is holding and tabulates. When he makes his offer I understand what he has tabulated. If I wish to plea I can pay about $35 on each. They are $65 tickets. With the added surcharges I'd be paying about 75% of the face values of the two tickets. The math simple seemingly by design.

I was looking to get mine - the first one - thrown out. For that I am told I need to plead not guilty and see the judge. I asked why he, a prosecutor was taking pleas on parking tickets anyway. "Isn't this supposed to be heard by a parking court judge. "You see a judge for the trial. I'm offering you the chance to plea". I asked his name. He said "prosecutor". Foolish of me to ask. "You are a public employee dealing directly with the public. "You don't give your name when asked?" "If you don't want the plea agreement you can go to trial". "You can do them both on the same day. "You'll get a notice in the mail". "Can I go to trial today?" "No." With that I was through. He had made the decision for me, for both summonses. And though his responses were apt, I'm not sure he has heard a word I said. He could have been deaf. He was back at the basket and calling the next case while I was still standing there wondering what had just happened,

I was catching on. The prosecutors, there were about five, allocate about a minute, two at most for each violator. Their job is to clear the courtroom, fight the tide. It's parking and vehicular violations after all. Less judicial than administrative. Either way I was done for the day.

It disturbed me right away. Prosecutors taking pleas for parking tickets. In a county rife with corruption, certainly as much as Suffolk county or any in New Jersey, this is clearly wrong. Prosecutors serve at the pleasure of the District Attorney, an elected official. Elected officials should not be in charge of taking money - fines or fees from the public. How simply a violation can be dismissed or alternately a plea not offered. There is no microphone and so no transcript is taken. There is no record kept at all. Obfuscation by design with intent.

On the way out I asked the court officer if I could get proof of my appearance. "No, you just wait for your trial date." I asked for something anyway - I had little faith that my appearance would be memorialized. I didn't fear retribution. I just suspected I could easily be charged for missing my court date. He took my ticket, went back to the white formica counter where a clerk pushed it into a machine that automatically stamped it with the date and time and a line that said NCTPVB. I could prove I appeared. Good enough.

The trial date notice came in the mail about a month later. I would not be able to make the date assigned. I called the number listed on the summons and listened to the recording, selecting my options. (History will show automated calling options help define this era as well as contribute to the up-tick in use of anti-anxiety drugs.) If you wished to reschedule you would need to show up more than 7 days before the trial date. If you couldn't make it you could send a proxy with a notarized letter. One of the aforementioned signs indicates there will be a charge for missed trial dates. When I finally spoke to a human three calls later I was advised there was no other way. I could come in after the date but I risked a default judgment. I could always pay the fine then or try to be reheard. "You can come in any day, but sooner is better..".

I took a chance. I had little choice really. I'd been selected for jury duty where I live and I would not be excused. I figured at worst I would pay the default judgment. The prosecutor said they would both be heard at the same day. Didn't happen. The second notice for the second ticket came. They were not scheduled together.

This date I could make, and I did. It would no longer be entertaining. Less than a month had passed since I missed the first trial date. I did not get a bill in the mail, but I did get a collection notice. Now it's serious.

The next time I found the place no problem. I brought plenty of quarters. I arrived early. I waited on the same line. It was raining and cold. When I submitted my license and summons for the paper-clipping I was told there is no reason to get there early - the trials are last (and the missed trials are the last of those).

I was called to the white formica counter. Different prosecutor this time. I showed my evidence as to why my ticket, the first one, should not have been issued. "This is no good." she said. "You need to link this to the vehicle, either by license plate or VIN number - something that shows this permit goes with this vehicle.” I didn't understand. What could I provide? She repeated herself. Again I asked her exactly what she wanted. Her patience was fading. "Sir - I've said it three times already." I told her that while she does this day in and day out I didn't, and didn't understand what she wanted. I would have understood as much if she had said it in French. She explained and said "Can you get your permit and come back tomorrow?" "Tomorrow!?" "I don't know." Well if you comeback tomorrow with the necessary proof I can try to have this reduced". "Why tomorrow?" "Because you have another summons and you risk another default judgment." "Well in the meantime can I get this prior judgment vacated? “I was on jury duty and not offered an absence." "No - that doesn't work here. "You can pay it if you like." I said I would but the fine had doubled and now was in collections. Even if I paid it, it may still go on as derogatory. "I didn't even get a chance to pay it - I never received a bill and I can't get it removed". "I know.." she said.

She had a measure of sympathy. "Your best option is to come back as soon as you can." It's your credit that will be affected." She said this as if she was finally speaking to someone who valued their credit. She was human, after all. "You're credit will be affected.." echoed in my mind. I knew this. She offered almost symatheticly - "Maybe I can have it reduced.." I was reduced.

I returned the next day. Late, so I wouldn't have to wait in the rain and cold. The court officers greeted me. We were now on a first name basis. They would spare me the joke about "why don't you apply for a job here..". I waited in line like a prisoner waiting to finish his sentence. I was called, nearly last, by the same prosecutor. "Did I.." have the necessary documents?" No. I could not get them on such short notice, I explained. I'll just pay..

She said that in light of my effort and probable justification she would waive the fine. The fees would still have to be paid - I did miss the trial date after all. Did I wish to accept a plea on the second ticket? "Of course - please - I'll pay - Just don't send it to collections..". I would still need to see the judge. The judge must formally render a decision (which invariably approves the decision made by the prosecutor). So there really was a judge. "Would that be today?" It would..

Not much later I was called to another room. It was the size of a kids playroom. There was a platform and bench with a big desk at which the judge sat. She could have retired when I was learning to drive. Maybe she was doing this for fun. She bore a likeness to RBG. A step down there was stenographer and a clerk to the judges right. A table was in the middle of the room before which I stood. Chairs lined the perimeter. It was paneled in judicial faux wallnut. The judge called me by name. I smiled. It was a formality. I was the only other person in the room.

I explained that I had a valid reason for missing court. I showed it. The judge understood. I asked that this be admitted into evidence as exhibit 1. "Are you an attorney" she asked? No. She laughed and said "Sure, but I don't think it will help. "It's really up to the prosecutor." "What?" I asked if she could at least waive the default convictions and no show fee. Each exceeded the cost of the fine. She wanted to. She asked the clerk to get the prosecutor. Soon the prosecutor whom I now also knew well was here.

She again explained that she was under no obligation to vacate and that she was doing me a favor. Yes, she understood why I missed court, "but that excuse is not recognized in this county, as there are remedy's" (the notarized proxy). That works in my county I said. "Mine too" the judge said, but apparently it did not in Nassau. The prosecutor again said she was doing me favor and could just as easily let the judgment stand. She could not waive any fees. With that the Judge thanked her and she went back to lunch. The afternoon crowd would soon pour in as surely as the tide. "Take this and go to the cashier” she said. It was the line directly across front the court room. I knew this. “Ask for a transcript”.

I waited, hoping that my credit might still be saved. When my turn came I asked to pay by check so that I would have proof. I also asked for a transcript as the judge suggested. One plead down, originally $65 was settled for $135.00. The waived ticket - no fine - was settled at $150.00. It would come off the collections account in about a month, "but keep the transcript just in case."